Career and Life Planning Guidebook for Medical Residents

SECTION I: T MINUS THREE YEARS R E A D : An Insider’s Perspective: My Burnout and Road to Recovery I was shaving onemorning getting ready for surgery. I became rather acutely aware, as I gazed into the mirror, that I was not “feeling” anything. I didn’t cut myself with a razor. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel my face. I could. But, I recognized with a sense of abject intellectual terror that I felt absolutely no emotion. Horrified, I then took swift and immediate action like any good, highly-functional, competent, intelligent physician would and I ignored it. I hoped it would go away. Then I thought, I’ll pretend it hasn't happened. However, the problem persisted. Over the ensuing days to weeks a somber cloud of emotional numbness enveloped me. I told no one. Were it not for my wife, Evelyn, things would certainly have turned out very differently. It became apparent that I needed to lay aside my scalpelandworkonmyselfasahumanbeing. I sought professional help and was subsequently diagnosed withPTSD-relateddepression. I underwent sixweeks of intensive outpatient psychotherapy at a facility in Nashville, TN. I had succumbed tophysicianburnout. There are multiple factors which helped me to heal and find my way back to an active, thriving surgical practice. There are still challenging stressful days, but I feel much more equipped to handle them in a healthy manner. I have already mentioned the crucial role Evelyn played in helping me recognize that I needed help. Being in a relationship with those who have your best interests at heart andwithwhom you feel safe to share your innermost feelings, needs and desires is critical. Isolation is a killer. There is a small group of physicians in recoverywho meet at my house for just an hour every several weeks. Sometimes four or five of us meet. Often there are just two of us. However, we are together enough that if any one of us has an issue at the hospital we all know there is someone on whomwe can call that will listen and help us with perspective, as well as provide compassion and understanding. I began a meditative, mindfulness practice 1 . It was a little slow going to begin, but extremely helpful in ways I don’t even completely understand. The re- search, however, is clear that these practices improve resilience and help in the mitigation of burnout. Finding beauty in art, creative enterprises and everyday life also helped me to begin to cultivate a healthy emotional life. I found my heart’s voice in art from the Renaissance. The word Renaissance is derived from a French word, which means “rebirth.” Art became an avenue to my feelings that centered on the story in the paintings, which resonated with a part of my own life story. In the book fromwhich this is pulled... my heart was moved to sing. CAREER AND LIFE PLANNING GUIDEBOOK FOR MEDICAL RESIDENTS 30